I could preach it

So this all just kind of spilled out of me during worship tonight. God just overwhelmed me with His beauty and how much we don't appreciate what His has created.


You don't get it

God and Jesus created the heavens and the earth. He created all of the billions of stars and all of the galaxies. He created mountains and valleys. But the greatest thing He every created was us, humans, made in His image. His image. Nothing else in the world is created in His likeness. We were created after Him.
You can go anywhere in Reno and look out on a mountain top and behold the beautiful created earth and all of it's ups and downs, greens and browns, man made and God made structures. We are fearfully made. God loves His creation and takes delight and pride in what He has created.

Think about if you created something. You would take pride in it and you would get upset when anyone looks down upon it or said negative things about it. God gets the same way when we think negative things about ourselves or others. How dare we say what God created wasn't good enough or beautiful?

God humbled himself so much to take on human form and come to Earth an deliver us from our sins. He endured pain, suffering, and death for us, sinners, and even those who were no where near being born! Thousands and thousands of years ago Jesus took away my sin. We obviously couldn't have done anything back then when he was on the Earth to ask Him to take my aim away why would we think we have to do anything special now? It's done. When He died, He said it is finished, meaning God took away our sin right at that moment.
All He asks is if that we would lay our life down for Him, just as He did for us. And the best part is that we don't even have to die. We get to live everyday even more to the greatest because we are never alone. Think about all the things you have missed out on because you felt alone. God is right there with us every step of the way. We don't have anything to fear.

The God who created EVERYTHING and gave us life by breathing into our lungs walks with us every day, and not just by our side but Inside of us!

Oooo! Don't forget that the same power Jesus used to raise the dead, heal the sick, give sight to the blind, and cast out demons we have in us as well. The moment we say "Yes" we also have that power.

Blessing

Okay so. A few days ago I was talking and walking into chapel at school. I was just chitchatting with one of my friends about how I wanna fill up my tank for my car but then how I would be broke for the next week and a half. I was just shooting the bull with her kinda thing and then all the sudden a girl turned around and gave me a 20 dollar bill. I was taken back and was almost like nah I dont need it. I couldnt stop thinking about it all day.

Today, as I was praying God told me that He gave me that as a gift of His love. I am His child. Why shouldn't I get gifts from Him? Then it struck me that I almost cheated myself out of His gift for me. I almost told the girl "no, I don't really need it." When actually I should be so grateful that God blessed me. I don't "need" money but I could always use a helping hand here and there. Just because I am covered for all my expenses doesn't mean God cant bless me. God doesn't want to just believe that He will see us through it but that He will bless us beyond what we need.

I always used to be the one who would take care of everyone else. No one ever paid for my gas, paid for my food, or paid for my movie. I should be thankful that not only did I get some extra money but that it was from My Heavenly Father, who loves me. I have never been blessed in a monetary way before and it was a very humbling experience. I am so thankful for God's blessing but yet at the same time it reminded me that I am Gods beloved daughter who delights in me and wants to bless me.

I love my Abba Father. I know it kinda sounds silly but it really meant a lot to me.

More now than ever

I think it's kind of odd but it seems like I have more questions and unanswered prayers now that I am actually praying and learning more about God each day. It's really annoying, lol. I feel like my heart is going to explode with all of the different emotions that are goin on. I feel such overwhelming joy and then my heart is broken with what is goin on in Reno and then I think about all the great things that I could do in Reno after I leave here. I don't know, I just feel like an emotional roller coaster sometimes even though I am talking with God everyday.

UGH! I hate being a girl and I hate that I over analyze everything!! Sometimes I wish I had the personality where I didn't have to plan everything about my life. I love that I have the ability that I can but sometimes I feel like its a hindrance, but then again if I had the complete opposite I would probably wish I had my personality now. Basically it's a lose-lose, lol.

I don't know maybe I am just impatient. Or I just need a break through and I am not seeking it out hard enough.

I just needed to let some things out. I can't just keep them all in my head or I literally will go crazy! hahaha

Back and forth

Okay. So I have been goin back and forth over this in my head all day long. I have been thinking over and over about it so much that I have no idea which way is right.

Alright so God says that He will give us the desires of our heart, right? Well what if I want a really sexy, handsome, buff guy for my husband? I have never had the luck of getting the attention of any attractive guys ever in my life so I am beginning to think that I am going to have one of those guys that I only find attractive, which isn't bad, just sayin. But then I think that I am thinking less of myself and limiting what God can do. And then I go back to thinking well the guys that aren't the best looking need wives too and since I haven't had the best of luck with the attractiveness side of guys, maybe I am one of those woman that marries the guy that no one else finds attractive. Which if is true, I know I won't have to worry about my friends stealing my husband away from me, lol.

I'm not trying to think less of myself by any means and I'm not just trying to be realistic. If I end up with a guy that I only find attractive great, but I just wonder if I should have hope of a guy that is SUPER sexy and what not, ya know?

I don't know, maybe it's just me being a hopeless romantic but it's annoying. I am questioning myself because for so long I believed I would never catch the eye of an attractive guy, but now I'm wondering if that's just because of my low self esteem. Do you see my problem? lol ARG!

THEN! I have a whole other problem about how I really like a guy and I really wish things would work between us but I don't know. It's a desire of my heart but if it's not God's plan than it wont work out and I just pray that God would settle my heart of the feelings... I don't like this place I am in.

I just really want some clear answers. :(

Just prayin...

So. I still really miss and love Reno. I don't know if that's a passion in my heart from God or my own feelings. Either way I am praying for Reno. It's hard to pray for them some times because i feel selfish in my prayers but I know that God still knows and hears my heart and whether they are selfish or from His heart my prayers are heard. Allen Hood spoke in my class this week and said that prayers are simply what God tells us to tell Him. It's what He wants to hear but the things is, is that He wants us to say it. He wants us to actually lift up prayers to Him. We have power in our words and each time we pray we are exercising that authority.

So today a plane crashed into a stadium and injured as well as killed people in Reno. When I heard the news my heart immediately dropped to my stomach. I couldn't do anything but prayer for everyone there and people who were impacted by the crash. All I can think about when I think of Reno is how dry the land is there, spiritually and physically. The land is hardened and dry. The have some much corruption throughout the city and surrounding area. The fact they have legalized prostitution is unbelievable to me. The more and more I actually think about it, it breaks my heart and makes me cry out even more for the women who are in it.

I find it interesting that once I have left I begin to have a heart for Reno and the people there. Which brings me to my dilemma...Am I called to be a light in Reno and really make a difference or is my heart just missing home?

A lot of things began to change in my life while I lived in Reno. Dreams were awoken again, the scales were peeled away and I began to see who I am in Christ, as well as being my own creation in Christ rather than who everyone else told me who I was. I am not forcing things that aren't supposed to fit together but I could go back to Reno and get a job and work with the church. I just really wanna go back to Reno and make a difference. But if God isn't calling me there then I don't wanna go but I am praying that He would FLING open doors if I am to go back.

I miss it so much. I don't know if that's because it was my home or if I am just missing my life that I had their with my friends, or the relationship I had with my brother and his family. On a side note, saying goodbye to my brother and his family was a really hard goodbye. So I am prayin every day for Reno and for God to show me why exactly or if I am just supposed to pray for the land and that's it.

SO annoyed!

So maybe I am completely wrong but I really hate when everyone tells me "I need to just enjoy being single, and not focus on guys" WTF?! I am a girl. How am I not supposed to have crushes or "like" someone? I am sorry I am wired and I like guys. But I shouldn't be looked like a flousey because of it. Yeah I look like I like guys more than my other girl friends because two of them have had bf for years, and another has only been single a year but yet has had her eye the whole time, and another has a weird relationship whether she admits it or not with a guy she's known for years. So I on the other hand like a two different guys within one year andddd I get looked like I just go from guy to guy. Greaattt. Thanks guys. I just get so pissed because then I start thinking that I can't like a guy or tell my friends about it because if it doesn't work out then I just get the look ("you should just enjoy being single"). How do you know I am not enjoying being single?! I am! But I would also like to not be single. Yes I know that being in a relationship is a lot of work and takes time. Just because right now I don't have "time" for a relationship doesn't mean I can't like a guy. UGH! I just hate that I can't do anything to change my reputation because its who I am. Seriously, the one thing you could say to me and piss me off is "So who's the guy this week?" Really? REALLY?! GAH!

THEN, when I do like a guy and I don't tell my friends they get all bent outta wack. Im like well I cant win even if I wanted too. I tell em and they just sit there and smile but the whole time in their head they are like yeahhhh its just another guy on her list that isnt goin to work out. Thanks guys really, I appreciate your sympathy.

And lets not get even get started on the fact of that I never pick guys that are even worth my time. I suck at choosing which guys to like. Which so many people has obviously laid out for me more than once.

Like I said maybe I am wrong. Maybe everyone else is right. Maybe I do like too many guys. But i am sorry that I have issues. I can't help the fact that I like a guy and besides what are friends for if i cant tell them about my crushes. Is the problem that I think about possiblities if I entered a long term relationship with the guy? How is that a problem? I don't understand how looking ahead and seeing if it could actually work, if I would be happy, and what not.

Thanks to my friends who have pointed that out oh so clearly, I apparently have issues I have to deal with.

Who Am I Living For?

I love the lyrics to this song. I think that the funny part is that Katy Perry wrote it. lol Anyways, I just love this song as an encouragement to me in hard times.


I can feel a phoenix inside of me
As I march alone to a different beat
Slowly swallowing down my fear, yeah yeah

I am ready for the road less traveled
Suiting up for my crowning battle
This test is my own cross to bare
But I will get there

It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the frontline when the box starts to fall
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall
I can't ignore this war
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?

I can feel this lightness inside of me
Growing fast into a bolt of lightning
I know one spark will shock the world, yeah yeah

So I pray for a favour like Esther
I need your strength to handle the pressure
I know there will be sacrifice
But that's the price

It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the frontline when the bomb starts to fall
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall
I can't ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?

Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Don't let the greatness get you down
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
Don't let the greatness get you down, oh, oh yeah

At the end, at the end
Who am I living for?

Sisters are so great!

Um..so this blog is dedicated to my sister. She is so awesome!

I had one of the best conversations with her today. I was so glad that I could have a difficult conversation and just have someone love me rather than judge, punish, or shut me down. The best part is, is that she encouraged me. Which is just what I needed. I needed someone to reassure me that I not only still had worth but had worth to God also. It was a very needed conversation in my healing process. It was just good to talk about it with a person and have dialog. I've been talking with God and it has been so INCREDIBLY helpful. I can confidently say that I ran to God in my time of trouble with arms wide open and willing for Him to touch me. All I wanted was for Him to touch me and heal my wounded heart.

One of the things my sister reminded me of was that I can be selfish and take time to spend with just God and me. I can say no to people and not return phone calls or texts. I won't get this chance again where all I have to worry about is myself and my walk with Him.

Its getting better

I think its soooo funny! I barely got 5 hours of sleep last night and I am the most awake I have ever been in the prayer room. Ive been so productive, lol. I studied, I wrote in my prayer journal andddd yeah. lol

I skyped with Nicole til 11:45 last night. It was 3 hours long. hahaha I think its funny cause she was like lets skype for a lil bit andddd it turned into 3 hours long anddd we have a coffee skype date after class today :D I've missed her so much. It sucks too cause she's having a hard time right now. I love her family anddd her family ADORES me ahhahaha It makes my heart so happy. lol She said her dad and grampa ask about me all the time and want me to come back and have Friday night dinners with them at the Basque restaurant, which I miss SOOO much lol. Omg... her lil nephews who are 3 and 5 ask about me too... How sweet is that?! They "fake" called me the other day... aww it just makes me so feel so loved. lol AND the fact that my sis in law said that my nephew looks for me too, GAH! I just wanna cry! hahaha ahhhh I miss my nephew so much!

I think that this whole time I am here at IHOP (which I hope is only a year, lol) its a time to get some training so I can go back to Reno and shake some things up for the kingdom. I think its kinda interesting but when I am here all I can think about its the people back home who I wanna impact with God's love. I think God is going to grow a passion in my heart for more things of Him and in and for Reno. I am just looking forward more to the work that is to come after the training period. I am excited and I have hope to keep going.

Also. I need to start running or doing something for exersize (idk if thats spelt, right butttt the option it gives me to "correct" it is oversize anddd thats not the word im looking for) lol I think I'm gaining my weight back... :-/ blahhhh lameeee! lol I miss my golds gym.

Jammin'

So last night my roommates and I had a lil jam session. It was SOOOO much fun! Literally, we just sat around and played all different instruments. I started on the keys and then played bass. Amanda and Marilyn both played the piano, guitar, and bass. Abbie was actually doin her homework so she stayed playing on her electric. I had so much fun just goofing off playing different things here and there. It was also a really great learning experience because I havent played much with a band so it really helps me to stay on tempo. Ahhhh I cant wait til this weekend so we can play again. Also!!! I think Marilyn is gunna teach me guitar! WHOOP WHOOP! I'm so pumped. The best part was that I was actually pretty good at bass, ohhh yeahhh. hahahah I was just really excited that I know how to play something else beside a piano. Im proud of myself :)