Growth

So after two and a half years of really going hard core after God I can really begin to see a change in my life. Not that I haven't seen a change before today but I was just reflecting on the fact of how much I have changed. Yes I know there are some areas that don't seem like much growth but to me they are huge steps. (Im bout to get kinda personal...and tell a lil about my past...)

So I have had a past with quite a few guys and I used to kinda be proud of it. I used to "brag" about how many guys I'd fooled around with and I thought it was cool. (How is that cool?! You just look like a SLUT! ahaha, gahhh so dumb!) So anyways, I've recently decided that I am sick of the way I just let guys treat me or how I change just because of a guy. That's not me. I have changed in my heart but I haven't actaully done anything about it to show it outwardly. Well after mannnyyyyy long hours of debating whether or not I want to really take a stand on this I have decided that if I don't I am just leaving a door open to allow the enemy to attack me. I am serious, I am no longer playing the games everyone plays. I have played the games and I know how to play them well but it's not fun because I end up gettin attached or he gets attached more than we planned and I or he will get hurt. My heart can't handle being hurt anymore. Seriously, I think that if I have another heart break I will need serious counsel, I'm not kidding or exaggerating.

So I know it seems like a small step but to me it's huge. I have a clear boundary and proud of it. I have stopped responding to those guys that text me super late cause they are "bored" yeaahhh I'm not dumb, I know what you want. I also have decided that unless we are dating, flirting is all you get of me. I have self control and I know how to use it now and I will not back down. I don't like losing and this is a battle that I will win. I know to not even put myself in those situations where things could even lead to something more.

I know that this is a huge step in my life and I know that there is going to be opposition but I know that with God on my side I can do anything. If I stumble for some reason I am not going to beat myself up. I am going to get right back up on that horse and go even harder than before. I am old enough, wise enough, and more mature to just keep doing what I have done since high school. I am not that same person and there needs to be a outward change for everyone to see.

I normally would be upset that I even had to struggle with what to do because it would seem like such an easy decision to make for some but the fact I struggled whether or not to do this makes me that much stronger. I have gone back and forth over this and I know it may get hard but in the end I know it will be worth it and I will save myself so many emotional roller coster rides, lol.

It's never too late to start over. God gives us a fresh start everyday and He will be there to encourage us to keep going. He's love never fails.