My sister is pretty smart

So to catch you up, I’ve had 3 dreams since I’ve been home about Pete and me. Him saying that he’s sorry and that he isn’t happy with his gf and then we get back together. It’s really thrown me off because I haven’t thought about him at all since I’ve written the letter, at least not Reno. It always seems to hit me hard when I come home. My heart wants to just forgive him and allow God to deal with him while my flesh wants him to hurt and feel the same pain I had. So while trying to figure out why I’m dreaming about him and crap I talked to my sister about it.

She has been reading this book called “Captivated” and she shared something that really makes since and has given me some perspective and insight on my problem. She said that I should forgive him but by forgiving him that would mean I would be allowing God to fight for me on my behalf and through that God would heal my heart. When she first said it I didn’t really understand but on my LONG car ride up to Onething, it really makes sense.

I also think that I’m ready for God to heal my heart and be my fighter, even as much as I love being a fighter for Christ, I think this time imma sit out. I see this as a great opportunity to trust God, believe Him that he can do anything and a chance to grow my faith overall. I don’t want to keep dealing with this. I do want God to heal my heart and I don’t want to hate him. I want to love him as the brother in Christ that he is.

Last thought: the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto to you. 

Arg...

Been home for a couple days now andddd I haven't stopped. I've been to denham or baton rouge every day once if not both in one day. Im layin around the house today relaxing and enjoying not having any responsibilities. I have to find a job when I get back to Reno, so I don't have many lazy days left.

There's only one problem being lazy... I tend to think bout things anddddd right now I can't get the boy of my mind. :-/     WHYY??!?!?!? Ugh. I need to chill and just let God do His thing but it's getting hard to just wait around. I just wish I knew a definite answer then I wouldn't even have to worry then, I'd just know. Then if I have to wait I can cause I'd know that in the end I still get the boy and if it's a no then I can move on and worry bout other things in life rather than worry bout something that is never gunna come about.I guess that's part of trusting God though, not knowing whats coming up next but believing everything is going to be alright.


The one word I have to keep reminding myself is to be PATIENT.

I just need some time

Sometimes I really hate that woman have emotions. I hate that we can't just live life without creating drama for ourselves. Why do we have to be attracted to men all the time? I just wanna live where I don't think about a guy. It's annoying! Not only do we constantly think about the "What if's" and possible future together, but we also freak out if things don't happen. We begin to over analyze stuff that really doesn't even need to be analyzed in the first place. Is it impossible to just not be attracted to a guy and just live life? Then again if we are attracted to someone why can't we just enjoy being friends, get to know each other and don't worry about time. Patience and letting the guy lead is hard. I would much rather be the one to lead, but then I would run the relationship and that's not what I want. I don't get it. I just don't wanna think about it. I just want to live life and then when things are supposed to happen it just happens. I don't want things to be drawn out. Time complicates things, it allows for over analyzing, doubt, and confusion. I'm really irritated with this whole situation.  I think I can truly say this is one of the MOST irritating things that have happened to me in my life. Arg!

My Best Friend

I'm not exactly how to start this one off. This girl and I haven't known each other for a super long time but the time we have known each other has been so special, incredible, and blessed.

She and I have such similar backgrounds with family, the way we were raised, and with the way we viewed ourselves. I think back to when we became super close and I can't really pin point it. I just know that we've become BEST FRIENDS after I left. She was the only friend from back home that kept in touch with me. I don't know what I would do without her. She has encouraged me in so many ways. She has been there for me when I didn't think the sun would ever shine again, and when the sun couldn't shine bright enough.

I am so lucky that God has placed her in my life, especially at this time in my life. She's amazing and the BEST friend I could have ever asked for or imagined. I love her and will love her for life because not only is she my best friend but she is also my sister in Christ.

My family just got bigger

Shout out to my oldest sister, Allison. She just had her first child, a baby boy. Liam Micah Overmon. He's another addition to our family.

I am so thankful for my church family, here in Reno and back home in Louisiana. My pastor from my current church came up to me on Sunday and wanted to make sure I wasn't leaving anytime soon because Reno is home now. It was nice to hear from the pastor that he enjoyed me being there and also didn't want me to go anywhere. I'm glad to know I'm welcomed at the church (not that I wasn't before).

Also when I visited my church back home, my pastor did an illustration where he showed how we as a body of the church is protected if we stick together. He lined up the church by groups children, young adults, mothers and older women, and then the men. He said that we would be protected from the attack of the enemy as a church body because the enemy would have to go through the men, the women, the young adults and then the children.

Im happy, so thankful, and extremely blessed to have two church families.

Thanks Daddy

So today was my last day in vocal performance class. THANK JESUS! I now hate french because of the last song I had to learn. It's okay I think Spanish is a sexy language anyway.

Well today after I had finished my class I called my daddy to let him know how I did. I told him it wasn't the worst I had ever done but it wasn't the best either. It was good enough to get a good grade in the class though so I was pleased. I continued on about how I never wanted to take a class like that again and how it wasn't helpful. All I did was learn a song and then sing it; no feedback, no teaching, no nothing. I was so confused of why I even wanted to take that class at the beginning of the semester.

Then my loving, and wonderful father let me know how it helped me get back into singing again. If I hadn't had to sing in front of people and overcome some fears and learn how to trust God, I wouldn't be prepared to worship Him without trying to perform. My dad reminded me of what my purpose is when I sing, for Kingdom glory, not worldly advancement.

I'm so thankful that my dad and I have such a great relationship. I sometimes wonder what I would do without him. He really is the greatest dad ever. I love him so much and I'm proud to be his daughter.

A few things

1. I am really glad to be back home in Reno, NV. I enjoyed bein with my family and seeing friends but I belong in Reno. It's my home now. I really appreciate the small things I used to take for granted back home in Louisiana. I really cherish my friends and the time with my family. It was a good visit but I am really glad to be back in Reno.

2. God is freakin AWESOME! He is so cool. Ya know now that I can trust Him with all of my heart life is easy. I believe that I am in Reno because of Him and He will see me through everything, big or small. When I think about His amazing love for me and all that He has in store for me, I cant help be smile and get excited! I love that I am able to trust Him and just enjoy life.

3. My passion is music. Always has been but now that I can worship, it's UNBELIEVABLY amazing! I love worshiping with Steve and it's no doubt a God thing. Just the way everything started and also how we clicked musically; I still have a hard time believing it. It seems like a dream because it was so perfect. I love the fact that I can confidently say that I am singing and I enjoy every minute of it. It's really awesome to have this passion for Christ. I love it! :)

Thankful

So last night I couldn't get over all the memories that my room and familiar places reminded me of, but today I was so thankful that I'm not the same person. Looking back at everything I can truthfully and honestly say that I am extremely thankful God has brought me to the place where I am now. I can't believe how different things are in my life. It's amazing. At first was didn't like all the reminders but now I can see the difference and appreciate it.

It's all about the point of view you wanna take.

Back home

It is the weirdest thing I've ever felt... Humidity, the smell, my house, my room... They all have memories attached to them and I can honestly say I don't miss them. I've been gone for so long and I've changed, and apparently more than I realized. When I look around my room I just think about what I used to feel, act, and be and that's not who I am now. It's like a bad taste in my mouth.

When I moved to Reno is when I can truly say MY life began. My faith in God and my walk with Christ grew immensely. Reno was my new beginning and it was positive. I feel free to live life and allow God to direct my steps. Louisiana has so many bad memories and every where I look I run into familiar places where I wish I would have done things differently. I feel like I am stuck in the past here and nothing is living.

Thank God for the person I've become. I owe it all to Him. The upside of being back in familiar places is you can see how far you have become to the new person you are today. The difference from who I was and who I am is where my focus is, now it is solely on God, every step of my life.

thinkin time again...

Another good reason why I need a job, so I don't end up thinkin all day long.

So about this guy. Alright so I just moved to a new place to find out who I am in God and basically in life without my parents. I've always wanted to date my best friend rather than just date a guy I just met. So why would I want to start datin this guy out here in Reno when I just met him a couple months ago?

I've just got comfortable living single and enjoying it, truly enjoying it. I don't need to worry or focus on trying to date this guy when all I need to do is enjoy being me. Over time Lord willin, we'll go out.

So being home sick allows my mind to ramble on about things, especially boys and life. Am I even ready for a relationship?? I don't wanna make the same mistakes I did in my last relationship, so I'm kinda starting over in a sense. (I have a lil secret....I'm scared...) I really don't wanna screw up my next relationship. I do trust God but at the same time, I become vulnerable. I just don't know if I'm ready to become open again...

My final conclusion: Don't think about it and just live life. Enjoy each day for myself and if things happen, they happen. God can drive this time, I'm just along for the ride.

Im feelin GOOOOOOOOOD

So the only upside of having a cold is that you get to take medicine that makes you feel amazing and you get to sleep lots! My favorite cold meds is dayquil and nyquil. I feel great but Im kinda out of it.

For example, last night I was talkin to a friend of mine and I started cracking up because I rhymed. It really wasn't that funny but I couldn't stop laughing, I blame the nyquil. lol

Ps. I take the directed amount and only when needed. :)

One of those days

When I think about how I'm so lazy out here in Reno cause I don't really have a job and structure to my every day schedule, I just remind myself how much of a blessing it is. I have my whole life to work. Once I have a job I know imma wish I had time off to just live. lol I am so thankful that I have days to just relax and not stress about things. God has truly blessed me in this time off.

I love blogging, it really is awesome. It helps me so much. I enjoy typing and gettin the thoughts that just keep rolling around out and in a logically order. I think everyone should blog. It's such a great thing in my life. Even though people I know don't read it, it helps me process things and what not. Plus its actually better that people I know don't read it cause then I can rant and rave about them and they never know hahahha!

So today is a day where I just wanna go sit somewhere pretty and look at the world and thank God for everything. Just sit and feel the warmth of the sun and listen to music. Ya know being still and listenin to God is pretty great, its one of my favorite things to do. :)

its funny

Ya know it's funny how people pray for things and then when they happen they freak out! haha God does answer prayer. People think that God isn't listening when in fact He is listening to everything and nothing goes unnoticed.

My examples are pretty classic. One. I wanted to get away, and have a chance to grow up and really live life. well about a week later if that I was in Reno, NV. 2000 miles away from home. Prayer answered.
Two. There's a guy that is pretty much amazing in every way possible. I prayed that God would have his way and once I had a peace about it, I prayed that things would happen. Well things are pretty obvious now and I could possibly have a boyfriend. And now that I know he likes me is shocking. Why should I be shocked?? I prayed, God listened, and now its coming to be. lol there's no need to be shocked.

God is awesome and I am so thankful for answered prayers :)

God is awesome!

God has yet to surprise me since I have been in Reno. Ya know the more I think about the moment I was baptized the more I cant get over the fact of how incredible God's love for us is. I just get so overwhelmed when I stop and think about how much He truly loves us. I can't help but live my life for Him after what His son went through for us even though we were sinners. I just can't get over it. I love God so much. :)

My friends are the most amazing gift God could ever give me. God knows just what I need at the right times. I thank God for my friends that He's given to me here in Reno and back home. He has given me a best friend who has been there for me through everything, I love her so much and she means the world to me. My friends in Reno are older but thankfully age hasn't stopped us from having a blast every time we get together. I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends.

The Inheritance

I got BAPTIZED!!!!

Sunday November 7, 2010 is the day I got baptized. It was a great day! My friends and family came and supported me.

The story behind why:
July of 2009 at VBS at my church back home is when I really made the whole-heartedly decision to follow Christ. As I watched the way the little girls I had loved on me and just wanted to be with me, God spoke and said that He loved me even though I hadn't loved Him. He didn't care about my past and what I had done. He still loved me 100 percent (see video posted). It was the simple love of a child that made it real for me to follow Christ. Ever since then I have become to love little ones and also LOVE God with my WHOLE heart.

God has yet to amaze me in His wonderful plan for my life. Through the move to Reno, I have really let go of "my" plan for my life and let God plan my steps and path. Trusting God has been my biggest lesson out here in Reno. The peace from trusting God in every little and big thing has brought so much peace it's almost overwhelming. My God is amazing! :)

My love hate relationship

I love buffalo wings!! I can only handle the mild flavor though cause about have way through my meal my face begins to get red and I almost break out in a sweat. I love them so much though. Thankful one day a friend told me that if you eat celery it balances out the hotness and you can keep eatin them. Now I can finish my meal without breakin a sweat, woot woot! :)

so theres this guy....

Arighty my rant about the guy in Reno. :)

Lets see so first of all God has a wonderful since of humor, lol. So there's a guy out here who's pretty much amazing! I dont know if he knows that I like him or not but either way its all good. I'm enjoying having a crush for now. He plays guitar, drums and can sing really well. Gah! He has the whole scruff look goin on anddddd it oh so sexy! lol I haven't really had the chance to hear his heart on a whole lot of spiritual issues, but what I've seen and know, I like it. He's older than me but I don't mind. :)

One thing about this whole me liking a guy, is that I've prayed so much about this, it's not even funny, lol. I really have been praying that if this is a God thing that things will be abundantly clear. I really don't wanna like a guy just cause. I don't want to waste my time on liking someone to only get hurt in the end.

I'm takin things one day at a time. I'm not rushing into anything. God is leading this one. I'm done trying to make things work for myself. God knows my heart better than I do. He knows what my true desires are and He will bring someone that will be a perfect match for me. I cant wait to see what He has in store for me. :)

Feels like a dream

I cant believe I've been in Reno for 3 months... I would have never imagined me in Reno, NEVADA of all places lol. It just hit me the other day when I was driving, so weird. lol I am in a state and in a city where I have never been nore ever dreamed about bein here lol. I cant believe I haven't seen my parents in 3 months, wow. Ya know I always dreamed of gettin out and now I have and I haven't died hahaha It's so crazy... I cant believe it. It feels so much like a dream.

update

So I really like Reno. It's extremely pretty, the weather is awesome (so far), I love living with my family, andddd my friends are pretty much the best.

Every day I remind myself that I trust God with everything I have. Long term stuff as well as short term, day to day things. I've never really had to trust God with everything I am. It's easy to say you trust Him when everything is fine, but when you have no idea where He wants you its a lil scary. Everyday I am learning to trust him more and more. God is amazing and it really is great when I can just relax and lean on him.

I promise I'm not weird

I am in a new place where I know nothing. I went from knowing everything to knowing nothing. It's kinda refreshing. I know that God has me in this place for a reason. What I don't know why exactly but I'm lookin forward to seeing how I will be changed in the end. I confidence atleast right now I do. I can no longer rely on anything or anyone to fulfill me. God is my only source for strength, joy, and confidence. I know that this is all apart of a grand plan he has for my life. It's time for me to trust him, with everything that I have and everything I am.

Here I go, diving head first.

I am in Reno

So today made two weeks in living in Reno. I went to the movies by myself for the first time and I have to admit it wasn't that bad. I saw Step Up 3D and I wish I could dance like that! GAH! lol after watching the movie and hearing everyone talkin about how dancing was their escape and how they felt so free. It made me wish I had something like that. A talent I had to escape life, but not just to escape but to get closer to God. To have the peacefulness that you can only experience in Gods presence.

So being in Reno and not knowing anyone is weird but then again its really cool. It gives me a chance to start over with friends and stuff but then again at the same time starting over is alot harder than you think. Especially when you don't know anyone. I just keep thinkin what life is gunna be like once I have friends and "life" begins again. Makin new friends and getting settled into a new place takes a lil while. I guess school will help and hopefully I'll find a job soon too.

P.S. Be careful what you wish for...it just might come true. :)

All kinds of emotions

Rambling blog time

I have been goin through all kinds emotions. Sad, happy, trapped, free... I am happy that I have an amazing opportunity to start over, in a sense, but then again I don't know anyone out here yet so I wish I still had my friends to hang out with, somebody to just chill out with and have fun. I know it takes some time to get to know people and once I start school hopefully things will work out a lil better too. I guess I'm kinda ready for life to begin, lol. I hope to be gettin a job soon so that will help. Skype is my best friend right now, lol I've been able to keep in touch with some of my friends which has been nice. oh and of course Gilmore Girls keeps me goin lol. LIFE! UGH! lol what the hell is really goin on? I just wanna be happy with life now, I don't wanna keep thinkin that life is gunna get better or things are gunna be different once I get something I don't have now. I need to chill out and take things one day at a time. God is here and I just need to let go of things, but it's so hard for me. I feel that if I just hold on a lil tighter then things wont be so bad, but really I need to let go. I have problems lettin go. I don't think its really hit me that I am thousands of miles away from my friends... I love it but then again every now and then I wonder why the hell I'm here? I know God has a plan but I really wish I knew what was in it... I don't know whats goin on. I don't like how I don't know what my next step is. like I don't have a long term plan, as of right now I'm just here. I know that I'm supposed to be finding out who I am in Christ and stuff but I feel like that findin who I am in Christ doesn't come by goin to counseling and reading books, its by living life and trusting Him in every step. (On a side note, I do enjoy singing and I kinda wish I could just go somewhere and sing all day long) I think I need to calm down and relax, I need to enjoy this time and just trust God, even though I'm goin a tad insane just trusting... lol I am goin to have a positive attitude about stuff and things will get better. :)

Reno, NV

LOVE IT! So far so good. I just got here a couple days ago and so I'm still gettin used to things but everything is goin great so far.

I start school next week. Kinda nervous but yet excited to be in a new place, I hope I can find my classes lol. I'm goin this week to finalize everything.

I love not having a job right now. I realllllyyyyy don't wanna get a job justttt yet lol butttt I need one so I don't go crazy.

alrightyyy

So life is beginning to settle down a lil bit. After the fiasco with my tattoo and stuff. My mom still isn't talkin to me but thankfully my dad is. There has been so much stuff goin on more than just the issue of me gettin a tattoo its been so stressful. Ive been takin it day by day and things are gettin better, through the grace of God. I'm workin on talkin to my parents about stuff but its still really hard to talk to them because I am afraid to have different view from them because they are so strict on their views and such. But I'm realizing that they aren't God and I do have to respect them because they are my parents and I am living under their roof but in the end I will have to answer to God for my actions. The biggest thing I've learned through this is that God still loves me and I'm not any less of a person because I got a tattoo. I know God is goin to see me through this so I'm not stressing anymore.

On a different note... I have less than a month left of my 6 month no dating thing, lol. But even though I'll be able to date, I don't know if I'll want to. I'm still pretty hurt from the crap from Pete and I also don't want to deal with the drama, lol. I've learned some things and I don't want to just date because I can. I can be happy without a guy by my side.

So I've been talkin with my ex again and things are goin good. NO I'm not sayin that were gettin back together but we can talk about stuff and it's really good. We've both agreed that we do want to be friends but as far as anything more it has to be abundantly clear from God that that is the best and right decision for both of us. I dont regret that we broke up at all. I think it was very necessary. I really do think God did a work in my life and as well as in his. I'm really glad were friends again :) I've missed him and didn't realize how much I did until I started talkin to him again.

I'm so glad I blog. I love it SO much! lol I forget how much I like to blog. It really helps me think through things and calm down every now and then. I think I should really try to blog each day that way life goes smoothly or atleast seem like it cause I don't have to think about everything so much because its down on paper... or typed on my blog ;)

WTF!?

My boss is an freakin PUNK! I swear! We just hired a new guy who wants to work alot cause he doesnt have anything else to do. I have school every morning and its FREAKIN SUMMERRR! Ive spent one day at my pool. ONE! Im sorry I am So DAMN PISSED! If I try to ask off early or just for my EFFING birthday he throws a freakin fit! Im so sick of workin its not even funny! Good Lord. Oh and get this. I do everything Gary needs no complaining nothing, i get here whenever he needs me and he told me id have a raise. Well my paycheck came and gone and yeaaa no raise. But then the new guy comes in and he gets the same pay as me. REALLY??? REALLY?? wow. yea well Gary better be in for a rude awakening when fall school starts yea im not workin. I told him last spring that I was takin a semester off from work, and I mean it. I have my whole life to work, I dont want to work while im goin to school. I have plenty of money saved up and I can pick up odd jobs here and there to do if I need to. Im so PISSED! wow.

Here we go again...

I knew better... I don't understand why guys have to be such JERKS. Like really is it that hard for you to be a man and own up to your frickin immaturity.

But then again I feel like it was my problem. I guess I fell for something that would never happen. Can you really blame me though, I mean come on! You frickin talked to my dad about us gettin married, WTF!? Yea we may not have dated so I shouldn't really have any shit to complain about but the signs you gave me and the way you acted sure made me believe we were a lil closer than friends. And then for you to think its okay that you made a MISTAKE... oh wow. yeaa well I guess it's better this way. Just like it was before. You live your live and I live mine. DON'T you even think that I'd like anything more cause after all this shit you'll be lucky if I even look at you. I swear I am so pissed. You talked to me for months and then nothing. Right before I leave the country for a month you care though and then I come back and once again, nothing. WOW, you've got some balls or should I say lack there of.

And guys wonder why girls have trust issues. It sure is hard to trust after you did once and got screwed from hell. damn. Yea well what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? hahah the real knight in shining armor is gunna have a real good time gettin me to trust him and actually believe what he says.

Whatever. I'm over it. Thank God I don't ever have to see him but only on special occasions. That's a relief.

My Man :)

- has strong, thick, good-lookin shoulders
- has an Amazing smile
- great sense of humor
- eyes I can get lost in for days
- his arms are a place I feel safe
- tall enough where I can place my head in his chest
- loves me with all my flaws
- someone who never stops surprising me
- someone I can trust to lead without being too pushy
- someone who wants lots of kids


to be continued... :)

ahh back home

Well I'm back in the states and oh what a joy, lol. I'm to be glad back but yet I still miss everyone. Not having to put up with dumb shit with retarded ppl at home was nice too. So Monday morning I had to get right back in to the swing of things with school and then work on Tuesday. I'm ready for my sister to come home because once again life at home isn't at its best. Apparently I've gain too much weight for my clothes so my parents feel the need to let me know that I should go buy new clothes. Also I haven't put away all of my laundry because I had a frickin ton and I've been super busy and haven't been home a whole lot since I'm workin all day and have homework. So I'm slackin according to my parents. This morning, the first thing my mom said to me was that I need to get on top of things and that i was slackin and then as I'm walkin out of the door both of my parents commented on my pants sayin I needed to get a bigger pair. Just the way I wanna start my mornings. Thanks guys. Ugh! I'm so tempted to just stop eating all together, even though I know I shouldn't but it's lil comments like those that make me feel horrible bout my self. And not to mention this morning I actually put time and effort into what I was wearing. I wore make up and jewelry which is rare.

Anyways on the bright side of things, I could be gettin a raise but im not gunna hold my breathe. It would be really nice but we'll see. Also I have an A in my econ class so far and that's with a missed 10 pt quiz. I got a 120 on a quiz with no bonus... hmmmm oh well I'm not complaining. I hope this class will help my GPA a lil bit.

That's another thing. After this past year of college my parents kept askin if I was okay with my GPA. I said yes multiple times. I'm not the A student like my other siblings and I'm fine with that. I'm not gunna beat myself up because I didn't get a 4.0. That's great for my older sibs but that's not me. I never have been and I don't think I ever will be. I'm not lookin down on myself, I'm just being honest. I'm goin to do my best but sometimes my best isn't A quality.

AHHHHH! That's kinda how I feel right now... So this weekend I don't have any plans and I'm considering goin to the movies...by myself... lol

June 10, 2010

I go through waves where I cant wait to be home and then when I never wanna leave costa. I know I should really enjoy my time here but its so hard sometimes, especially when everyone makes fun of me about how I talk, where I live, and even what I say. Even the freakin girls who live 45 mins from me. Im sorry I have a southern drawl. I cant help it. Ugh it pisses me off so much. I cant say anything without someone commenting on it being stupid, not makin sense or how I sound when I say it. I don’t even wanna talk anymore, cause I know im just gunna be made fun of so theres no point in it.

But then I realize that im not gunna be able to hang out with theses girls like am now so I should enjoy it. some of the girls are really sweet and I love them to death and I am really gunna miss them. My roommate is awesome and we have alotta things in common which is great. And then there is also another girl who is the sweetest thing I’ve ever met. I really am gunna miss her a lot. She has a great personality.

I guess just being together with everyone for two weeks is startin to wear on me. Im really startin to miss my family and friends and some things that the girls are doin are getting on my nerves. But I guess that’s what happens when you spend just about every minute of everyday with 8 girls with ages from 17 to 23. Sigh…. well I just have one week left I can make it. I just keep thinking positive thoughts.

June 7, 2010

So today I finally spoke out loud that I was mad at God. I was so mad at him for so many different things, some I never said aloud and others that bothered me. One of the biggest reasons was over Pete. Im not gunna lie, he told me he was “feeling that God was leading him” toward another girl, it didn’t really begin to bother me til bout a week later. I guess I was in shock but now im really hurt. He probably hurt me the most over any other guy. I apparently allowed myself to go to far with my feelings, but partly because I had talked to my dad and he was okay with things. I really trusted my dad and therefore trusted Pete. I don’t really know what to think anymore, but I know dad did talk to him and from the expression on my moms face, I don’t think my dad held back anything that needed to be said.

After I actually said out loud that I was mad at God then I immediately broke down in tears in front of everyone, kinda sucked. Oh well I got it out and felt a whole lot better, especially after mrs joy prayed for me. So im doin better now but Im still workin through some stuff here and there.

Number Two

June 6, 2010

So last night I slept horrible! I tossed and turned, woke up here and there to random noises or even me just turning over. Yesterday we went to Domical, which was cool. We did shoppin and hung out on the cave beach a lil. Im not too big on getting in the ocean but everyone else had fun so that was good. I got some cool stuff like a big square fabric thing that you can wear however ya want. Its purplish and pinkish with a gold background so I hope to wear it to a LSU game or two.

So yesterday when we got back we had barely any water pressure and what water pressure we had was cold. I washed my face and changed into clean clothes and prayed that we’d have water pressure that was warm in the morning well needless to say I had a wonderful COLD shower this morning. It was great. I recommend it to anyone who is really lookin to wake up lol.

Im really startin to miss my family… I know I should enjoy my time here but there are just times where I was at home with my mom and dad. I’ve basically grown up with it being just us and I kinda miss it. I really cant wait to go home and spend the night with my grandparents. I miss them like there is no tomorrow. There’s nothing better than ya grandma lovin up on ya. :)

My girly girl side is startin to show a good bit now. After the whole work out thing and since im still sore now, im not too fond of it. Id rather do something else. Workin out isn’t what I don’t like. It’s the fact that you work out so hard that your sore and can barely move for the next 4 days! I enjoy workin out and not being sore all over my complete body. The whole “Lets go play in the mudd” isn’t on my fun list. I don’t really care to go shave in the waterfall. And id reallyyy not like to go white water rafting, especially since we’ve had so much rain. I don’t think its fun to go play in raging water with big rocks in them, sorry, id like to live. Lol

Ive made it through one week, only two more to go. I know they’ll go by quicker than I think but idk… I guess im just in that mood to go home. I miss my family.

a couple at once....

June 4, 2010

I don’t have internet all the time so ive decided that im goin to write what I want on word and then transfer it. So here we go! (if its crazy my sorry, lol)

Ive been here in Costa Rica for about a week now and its quite an adjustment. Im not big on goin all country so its kinda a stretch for me but im makin it. There’s just things that I’ve gotta get used to like wakin up to howlin monkeys at the crack of dawn. I haven’t decided if I like howlin monkeys better than a rooster, lol. I don’t like ever knowing what time it is. Its okay sometimes but im so used to being on a schedule that it’s a lil annoying but its not that bad. Its kinda like livin when Gustav hit, except I had hot water back then. Nothing ever dries outside. If you get wet or sweaty that’s it, your clothes are wet. Its been rainin here so much, that they don’t have enough time to dry but also its so HUMID! GOOD LORD! I just thought it was bad at home, oh no! Gah! Its so nasty alllll the timeeee! The dogs here are so funny lookin. They are all mutts and only God knows what they are mixed with. There’s one dog that has the body of a winner dog but the face of a lab… so weird. Lol

So one of the girls, actually two of them are dancers, but one of them loves to braid hair and she likes to do all kinds of crazy stuff. Basically everyday she braids two or more of the girls hair. I have to resist askin her to do mine just cause otherwise she’d do mine everyday, lol. She asked if I was tender headed and I said yes, but she can pull as hard as she wanted cause my sister used to do mine and she would give me a face lift so it didn’t bother me lol. I cant wait to get back to the states and go spend the whole day with my hair dresser. My roots were pretty bad when I left and they are goin to be even worse when I get back lol. Cut, color, wax. Ahhhh prefect! I really hope his stuff for facials is in cause thennnnnn it would be AH-MAZINGGGG! :)

As far as guys go, im doin pretty good. I don’t really have the need to talk to anyone. Except one of my really old close friends who told me that he was goin in the air force! Im SO extremely proud of him.

Alrighty well I think that im good, lol. Ive never wrote so much lol im so glad I could write some though casue it feels great to just BLAHHHH lol

Really?

Im so excited that im leavin for 3 weeks. imma be in a whole other country away from everyone. Especially stupid boys who dont know what they want. IDIOT! ugh!
I gotta rant right now cause otherwise imma freakin break down and cry and I DO NOT wanna cry over another stupid boy.
So I get to know this guy for a good couple of months, constant communication, and so it seemed an interest in each other. Alrighty, so he starts a new trainin and he doesn't talk to me for about two weeks but then I get a chance to hang out with him with my family for about 24 hours or so and he barely says a word to me. That in its self hurt. A friend who doesn't even talk to you. Really? I have acquaintances who do more than what he did. So being the type of person I am I tired my best not to take it personal, and break down after he left. I just figured other things were goin on and it wasnt about me....

So today i got to talk to him and im glad that i did cause now i can go to costa without worring about us or whatever! Im DONE. He let me know that he thinks God is leading him towards another girl. Well I told him that it was great to talk to him when I did and it was just what I needed but im still single for another couple of months and that the idea of a relationship makes me wanna gag, so maybe that'll help him decide along with the fact that when I get back from costa he can talk to me but I WILL NOT text him first.

So yea im gunna be okay though cause my sister is the best ever! lol I cant wait to hang out with her and rock out our "Boys are JERKS" club! lol

Number one

My sister is AMAZINGGG! I love her so much! She and I had so much fun this past weekend at the Carrie Underwood concert. I havent had that much fun in a while. Im lookin forward to this next week at the beach with her and the fam.

I also got to see my cousins, aunt, and grandparents again this weekend. I forget how much I miss them. It's so weird to see my family slowly get pieced back together. It truely is GOD. I cant thank Him enough. I love my family.

I am almost done with my first year of college. WOOHOOO! This time tomorrow I will be done with my freshmen year of college! No more accounting BABYYYY!

I have less than two weeks left before I leave for COSTA RICAAA!!!!

Tryin NOT to get ahead of myself

I am about to go crazy! lol

I think I realllyyyy like pete.... I cant help it! He's such a great guy! I love talkin to him on the phone for hours. He's got a great personality, a strong walk with Christ, a fun sense of humor, and SEXY! haha but for real. It would be AMAZING if we got to continue our wonderful friendship into something more. Parents love him and definitely approve.

Ive got about 3 and half months left of being single and Lord willing I wont be single long after that. Hopefully when we go to the beach he can come hang out with us for a day or so, but I know that he has dive school and is probably gunna be pretty busy. I think we are goin to see him graduate in the fall which would be like right after my 6 month singleness, im pretty excited about that plus its around his bday :)

Alrightyyyy so for the next 3 and a half months I gotta keep my cool. I can do this....I think.... Here we go!!!

im just excited....

• I have 39 days before I leave for Costa Rica
• I have 6 days left of school (tues & thurs)
• Amy is comin home for a Carrie Underwood concert in a couple weeks
• The weekend after that im goin to the beach andddd HOPEFULLY get to see Pete
• Pete and I are getting to be really good friends ...I also overheard dad talkin to him about me and future stuff which means that he still likes me, hehe... :-)
  
• Ive decided that I want to get a rose tattoo on my back shoulder, when idkk lol
• This weekend Im hanging out with all my college friends from denham
• I saw my grandparents again this past weekend. I miss them wayyy too much, I dont know when but Im gunna go stay the night one day soon hopefully
  
• Imma be 20 in about 3 months.
  

Life's good right now. :)

Me Time

I think I am goin to take a semester off from work and enjoy college a lil. I might take another class but idk yet. I've been workin since I was 16 and have worked ALOT. I really wanna take kick boxing lessons or dance lessons ballroom or latin, just something fun. I have money saved up and Im gunna work all summer long so Im not too worried about taking some time off, plus if he really needs me from time to time I'll work to fill in. I haven't ever really done anything for myself and I think its about time I do. Ive got all my life to work my ass off, I wanna take advantage of the time I can take off while I can.

P.S. I really wanna get a tattoo or two... and soon. :)

It was a pretty good day

Today I got to hang out with my grandparents who I havent seen about about 7 years. I wasnt really sure how to feel but I was excited to see them. I had forgotten how great they are. My grandpa was in the Army during WWII and he is so funny when he tells his stories. I really have missed my grandparents alot. Im glad that we have a relationship again or atleast the beginning of one again. :)

Andddd everythings goin pretty good with my good friend :) Its really nice to just have a friend who encourages me in my walk with Christ and is just fun to talk to. He's just cool all over. lol

OH! and spring break in college is a JOKE! lol just cause your not in class doesnt mean you dont have homework. Stupid calc and english!

Imma rant....

Alrighty so here's an update on my life.

I have completely deleted, erased, and moved on from my ex boyfriend. I straight up told him that i couldn't talk to him without getting all upset and frustrated at who knows what. I deleted his number, from facebook, and some pictures as well.

I have started watching what I eat and exercise when I can, even if Ive had a long day at work on my feet. Hopefully I can lose some extra weight I've gained since I started college. So far so good, :)

School. I'm kinda stressed out about my English class cause I never know what the woman wants. Although I am extremely thankful that she allowed me to redo my mid term, and so far I've gotten B's on my grades so things are lookin better. We are doin a paper right now that is going to be more than our final. I have more than enough information and I plan on making a A.

Other things in life are going pretty good. Im almost all set for Costa Rica and I cant WAIT! :D

Shut up!!

My boss is an asshole when it comes to respect. I dont know why I get all the shit about everyone else but its really annoying.

Today I went in at 8 cause he Really needed to get some work done and didnt want to answer phones. So I get there thinkin that we were gunna be busy but NOOOO, he's walkin around drinkin his Freakin coffee. OH! and I have no idea what the HELL he calls work cause all he ever does is talk shit to people, play on his computer, and yell and get all worked up about nothing. Anyway, he starts ranting on and on about all the dumb computer programs that are makin it slow (so he thinks). I just stand there and let him run his mouth and then at the end I told him that they were on there before we even had the computer, and he just says well clean it up. The computer is slow cause its a POS.

I like the job cause I get paid really good, and barely do any work, lol. I dont know its just that my boss gets on my freakin nerves sometimes. He makes everything into a GINORMOUS deal and its really not even the slightest bit.

Holly

This past weekend I went to this woman's conference thing at my church and we learned about our name, its meaning, and origin. Ive always known my name meaning a bush, berry or tree, but this weekend I learned my name actually means something a little more meaningful :)

I researched my name and some of its relative words and stuff. Turns out my names pretty awesome. I'm sorta kinda related to marshmellows (I love marshmellows btw) mallow is in the same family with hollys and some form of mallow is in marshmellows. Also I'm soothing, cheerful, and the Rose of Sharon.

We then researched the words that described our name to get a deeper meaning. We then wrote paragraphs on what our names meant with all the different words and phrases we found.

I am....
a Rose of Sharon. I am Always cheerful, pleasant, and bright. I am relief, comfort, and tranquil. I am a flower with delicate beauty. I am happiness I am a celebration of Jeaus' birth. I am Jesus; sweetheart. I am colorful. I am holy, a gift, and a joy. I am a friend and I am love.

Now that I know a deeper meaning of my name I can embrace some of those attributes and reflect Christ in all that I do. Oh and also I found a verse that went with my name (I found it in a book that had your name and then a bible verse)

Philippians 4:7
"The peace of God, which passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus."

"Him"

So today I asked my dad about why "he" had been taking such a sudden interest, and turns out.

"He's" had a crush on my for a while. I was kinda surprised when my dad told me. I couldn't believe that "he" would actual notice me haha. I was also quite flattered lol.

So since I'm supposed to be single for 6 months as it is, I'm just goin to enjoy getting to know "him" better as a friend and if things happen later on GREAT! if notttt then I made a good friend :)

P.S. Have I mentioned how much I LOOOVVEEEE a man in uniform? hahaha! I'll keep ya updated on how things go :)

You've got to help me

Soooo recently a friend of mine has begun to text me ALOT considering we've barely spoken in the past two years. wellllll this guy is a reallllyyyy a great guy. Crazy, on fire for God. I really like talkin to him lol and he stretches me with my walk with Christ. I really dont want to like this guy more than friends right now, buttttt its really hard for me cause im that type of girl who falls for guys like crazy. (I hate that trait about me btw) So I'm telling yall this so yall can help me not fall for this guy yet lol. Nothing will really come about it now anyways cause he's in the service and who knows for how much longer. But yeaa I had to tell someone. lol GRR! lol

Im sick of it

I am SO ready to move out of this house it is just ridiculous. I HATE how my parents always have short lil conversations where they tell me what im doin wrong in my life from the past week. Normally its my mom but this week my dad did the honors. Apparently I hurt my moms feelings.

I've had a rough week trying to adjust to everything and get my life straight again, and to my parents I've been rude, putting them down, and not being social. Well yesterday, yes, I did not wanna be social with anyone especially with my parents. Its not that they did anything its just i didn't wanna talk. I used to do that alot last year for lots of reasons, but I haven't done it in a while and my dad jumped down my throat callin me childish and self-something or other. He made all these conclusions about somethings i mentioned to my mom this past week and he was completely wrong. He thinks that I'm leading on a old guy friend when I barely talk to the guy, he thinks I'm allowing a guy from school to use me for homework because were doin homework together, and he thinks that I'm still stuck on my ex, which is COMPLETELY wrong, I have moved on and not lookin back.

If I had a penny for everytime my dad said, "We're for you not against you." I'd be a Frickin millionaire. I dont talk to my parents for this reason. I tell them something and they judge me and come back a week later and wanna talk about it. I could be jokin or serious but yet they make this BIG deal about it and turn it into something its not. UGH! I don't know, I'm dealin with some stuff in my life right now and personally I don't wanna talk to my parents about it.
I'm glad I have a blog. It really helps when you need to vent. OH and another thing, they always talk to me on Wednesday morning while I'm eating breakfast, which is basically the first thing I do in the mornings.

All I gotta say is

Gerard Butler is Damn Sexy! Mmm I wouldn't mind if my future husband looked something similar to him minus some of the chest hair, lol.

New additude

Okay so after my recently ended realtionship, I have decided that if you wanna be my boyfriend you better get your shit together. I aint playin the kid games no more. Im single until further notice. Maybe its just from the sour taste I got from the reaction of the breakup with my ex, but im just ready for a MAN. Im fine being single. It's a less stressful life anddd I dont have to worry about someone else's feelings. I can hang out and enjoy my time with my guy friends. That might sound kinda harsh but I just started college and havent even began to live my life. I wanna do things because I want too and not have to worry about someone elses schedule. Im ready to enjoy my life. :)

A new start once again...

Here we go again. A start of a new blog and hopefully this one will be successful. I hope to be as great as my sister at blogging but we'll see.
I love kids. I got to babysit two little girls tonight and it was so nice, I actually enjoyed it. I was only up until about last August when I started to enjoy little kids. I dont know what happened but now I love babysitting and being around kids.
My new favorite song for right now is It Stops Today by Colbie Caillat.