I promise I'm not weird

I am in a new place where I know nothing. I went from knowing everything to knowing nothing. It's kinda refreshing. I know that God has me in this place for a reason. What I don't know why exactly but I'm lookin forward to seeing how I will be changed in the end. I confidence atleast right now I do. I can no longer rely on anything or anyone to fulfill me. God is my only source for strength, joy, and confidence. I know that this is all apart of a grand plan he has for my life. It's time for me to trust him, with everything that I have and everything I am.

Here I go, diving head first.

I am in Reno

So today made two weeks in living in Reno. I went to the movies by myself for the first time and I have to admit it wasn't that bad. I saw Step Up 3D and I wish I could dance like that! GAH! lol after watching the movie and hearing everyone talkin about how dancing was their escape and how they felt so free. It made me wish I had something like that. A talent I had to escape life, but not just to escape but to get closer to God. To have the peacefulness that you can only experience in Gods presence.

So being in Reno and not knowing anyone is weird but then again its really cool. It gives me a chance to start over with friends and stuff but then again at the same time starting over is alot harder than you think. Especially when you don't know anyone. I just keep thinkin what life is gunna be like once I have friends and "life" begins again. Makin new friends and getting settled into a new place takes a lil while. I guess school will help and hopefully I'll find a job soon too.

P.S. Be careful what you wish for...it just might come true. :)

All kinds of emotions

Rambling blog time

I have been goin through all kinds emotions. Sad, happy, trapped, free... I am happy that I have an amazing opportunity to start over, in a sense, but then again I don't know anyone out here yet so I wish I still had my friends to hang out with, somebody to just chill out with and have fun. I know it takes some time to get to know people and once I start school hopefully things will work out a lil better too. I guess I'm kinda ready for life to begin, lol. I hope to be gettin a job soon so that will help. Skype is my best friend right now, lol I've been able to keep in touch with some of my friends which has been nice. oh and of course Gilmore Girls keeps me goin lol. LIFE! UGH! lol what the hell is really goin on? I just wanna be happy with life now, I don't wanna keep thinkin that life is gunna get better or things are gunna be different once I get something I don't have now. I need to chill out and take things one day at a time. God is here and I just need to let go of things, but it's so hard for me. I feel that if I just hold on a lil tighter then things wont be so bad, but really I need to let go. I have problems lettin go. I don't think its really hit me that I am thousands of miles away from my friends... I love it but then again every now and then I wonder why the hell I'm here? I know God has a plan but I really wish I knew what was in it... I don't know whats goin on. I don't like how I don't know what my next step is. like I don't have a long term plan, as of right now I'm just here. I know that I'm supposed to be finding out who I am in Christ and stuff but I feel like that findin who I am in Christ doesn't come by goin to counseling and reading books, its by living life and trusting Him in every step. (On a side note, I do enjoy singing and I kinda wish I could just go somewhere and sing all day long) I think I need to calm down and relax, I need to enjoy this time and just trust God, even though I'm goin a tad insane just trusting... lol I am goin to have a positive attitude about stuff and things will get better. :)

Reno, NV

LOVE IT! So far so good. I just got here a couple days ago and so I'm still gettin used to things but everything is goin great so far.

I start school next week. Kinda nervous but yet excited to be in a new place, I hope I can find my classes lol. I'm goin this week to finalize everything.

I love not having a job right now. I realllllyyyyy don't wanna get a job justttt yet lol butttt I need one so I don't go crazy.

alrightyyy

So life is beginning to settle down a lil bit. After the fiasco with my tattoo and stuff. My mom still isn't talkin to me but thankfully my dad is. There has been so much stuff goin on more than just the issue of me gettin a tattoo its been so stressful. Ive been takin it day by day and things are gettin better, through the grace of God. I'm workin on talkin to my parents about stuff but its still really hard to talk to them because I am afraid to have different view from them because they are so strict on their views and such. But I'm realizing that they aren't God and I do have to respect them because they are my parents and I am living under their roof but in the end I will have to answer to God for my actions. The biggest thing I've learned through this is that God still loves me and I'm not any less of a person because I got a tattoo. I know God is goin to see me through this so I'm not stressing anymore.

On a different note... I have less than a month left of my 6 month no dating thing, lol. But even though I'll be able to date, I don't know if I'll want to. I'm still pretty hurt from the crap from Pete and I also don't want to deal with the drama, lol. I've learned some things and I don't want to just date because I can. I can be happy without a guy by my side.

So I've been talkin with my ex again and things are goin good. NO I'm not sayin that were gettin back together but we can talk about stuff and it's really good. We've both agreed that we do want to be friends but as far as anything more it has to be abundantly clear from God that that is the best and right decision for both of us. I dont regret that we broke up at all. I think it was very necessary. I really do think God did a work in my life and as well as in his. I'm really glad were friends again :) I've missed him and didn't realize how much I did until I started talkin to him again.

I'm so glad I blog. I love it SO much! lol I forget how much I like to blog. It really helps me think through things and calm down every now and then. I think I should really try to blog each day that way life goes smoothly or atleast seem like it cause I don't have to think about everything so much because its down on paper... or typed on my blog ;)

WTF!?

My boss is an freakin PUNK! I swear! We just hired a new guy who wants to work alot cause he doesnt have anything else to do. I have school every morning and its FREAKIN SUMMERRR! Ive spent one day at my pool. ONE! Im sorry I am So DAMN PISSED! If I try to ask off early or just for my EFFING birthday he throws a freakin fit! Im so sick of workin its not even funny! Good Lord. Oh and get this. I do everything Gary needs no complaining nothing, i get here whenever he needs me and he told me id have a raise. Well my paycheck came and gone and yeaaa no raise. But then the new guy comes in and he gets the same pay as me. REALLY??? REALLY?? wow. yea well Gary better be in for a rude awakening when fall school starts yea im not workin. I told him last spring that I was takin a semester off from work, and I mean it. I have my whole life to work, I dont want to work while im goin to school. I have plenty of money saved up and I can pick up odd jobs here and there to do if I need to. Im so PISSED! wow.

Here we go again...

I knew better... I don't understand why guys have to be such JERKS. Like really is it that hard for you to be a man and own up to your frickin immaturity.

But then again I feel like it was my problem. I guess I fell for something that would never happen. Can you really blame me though, I mean come on! You frickin talked to my dad about us gettin married, WTF!? Yea we may not have dated so I shouldn't really have any shit to complain about but the signs you gave me and the way you acted sure made me believe we were a lil closer than friends. And then for you to think its okay that you made a MISTAKE... oh wow. yeaa well I guess it's better this way. Just like it was before. You live your live and I live mine. DON'T you even think that I'd like anything more cause after all this shit you'll be lucky if I even look at you. I swear I am so pissed. You talked to me for months and then nothing. Right before I leave the country for a month you care though and then I come back and once again, nothing. WOW, you've got some balls or should I say lack there of.

And guys wonder why girls have trust issues. It sure is hard to trust after you did once and got screwed from hell. damn. Yea well what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? hahah the real knight in shining armor is gunna have a real good time gettin me to trust him and actually believe what he says.

Whatever. I'm over it. Thank God I don't ever have to see him but only on special occasions. That's a relief.