New Year, New Challenges

Wow. Okay so I cant believe that it's been a whole month since I've blogged last. (No wonder I've had so many thoughts rollin around in my head)

So welcome to 2012. I've made it through another year, and have changed so much. Looking back at 2011, its hard to believe everything I've done and accomplished. I am very proud of myself. For once in my life I can say I am proud of who I am. That only took 21 years, lol.

The other day my dad read something to my mom and I. At first I was like "yay...another pointless article..." But then now a few days later some of the stuff he's said has still got me thinking about the new year. Most of the time I just think about the new year and dread everything that comes with it and then by the end of the year I wish I had done more or actually made a difference in the year. Looking back on 2011, I can say that I did make some changes and I can really say that I am changing into the person I've always wanted to be but was too afraid to be.

I hate new years resolutions. Probably because I always fail at them. I like to think of them as a new challenge to my life. I think in the last year I overcame alot with not allowing how people are going to react to certain things determining whether or not to do something. For instance not being held responsible for other peoples actions. Ever since I've learned how to apply that to my life I've had so much freedom. It's still hard sometimes when I know that it's gunna be about conflict but that in its self gives me even more of an incentive to confront the conflict.

If I've learned anything in the last year its that conflict is painful but brings about so much more of a relationship when you actually deal with it. I've grown up with a family that never really talks about their conflicts and just runs away instead of actually working them out. Over the holidays I got to talk with my parents about some things that had come up over Thanksgiving. I had been praying about this conversation for weeks. I knew if I didnt go into the conversation prepared it would be a disaster. Praise Jesus, after 3 hours, I had expressed my feelings and how things were. I laid everything out and I brought up and said somethings that they would never say. I took control and stayed on top. At the end of the conversation, all of us felt better and we had a great rest of the holidays. I am proud of myself but not in a boastful way but in a way that is glorifying to God. Without Him that conversation would not had gone down the way it did.

My new addition to confronting conflict is, "is the relationship worth it?" and "Am I avoiding the conflict because I'm lazy and just dont wanna deal with it?" I want to break the habit of just sweeping things under the rug and not dealing with issues and then I ruin good relationships because I was "too scared" of the outcome. When I think about it, I am doing myself a disservice along with the person I have the conflict with because I am not allowing growth in either of our lives. I don't want there to be relationships lost over a small conflict that if I would have spoken up about wold have been resolved and I could have had the best relationship ever.

On a different note about life. I've decided I am going to cosmetology school. I dont think the reality of life has hit me yet. It's weird to think that in about a year and half I could be supporting myself... That's crazy...