Yesterday in class we talked about how do we know if we are following God's will for our lives. It was such an awesome discussion! Basically it boils down to if you are pursuing God with your whole heart then make decisions and He will close doors if that isnt His will. Don't stress about makin the right decision. God will put desires in your heart while you draw closer to him. So you're dreams are really His dreams for you. Why not go after them? He put them there and has already made a way for you to walk in the dreams for you. Another really cool thing is that your desires will change as you grow in more of who He is.
So even though I know that He will give you His desires as you draw closer to His heart, I still get stuck on a few things. I dont know if I've talked about this or not but I'm stuck on my desires when it comes to guys. I dont know why I am so stuck on this but it seriously has bothered me for a lonnngggg time. I dont even know when it started but I know that for atleast a consistent 6 months this has been constantly in the back of my mind.
I am surrounded by tons of different types of guys. Guys who LOVE God and do nothing but fast and pray and always seek God before they speak on just about everything. It's safe to say they take their relationship with Christ SUPER serious. Like no outside influences what so ever. Anddd then on the other hand we have guys who are more relaxed. Yes they love God and they pray and what not but they also have fun. They arent so strict on certain things. It's such a dilemma for me.
Of course every woman of God should want the guy who's on fire and lives 100% pure life... right? UGH! But i cant say thats what I want. I dont know if I still have prioroties to get straight or what, but why is it that when my roommates talk about their "boys" they always brag about how awesome he is about praying and speaking into others lives. ughhh.. What is wrong with me? Why is it that I just want a guy that I know loves God with all his heart and like to have fun?
It makes it hard to talk about guys with them because they are telling me I deserve better and all this stuff and yes I get that but at the same time I dont have that desire to have the guy that is "super saved" so to speak. I always feel like I'm less of a christian because I dont desire that kind of guy. I dont know why. Maybe deep down it scares me to have someone like that because I feel like they would turn out to be like my dad and that brings up all kinds of other stuff. I dont know.
Maybe this is God just tellin me to chill out and not look at guys, ugh I dont know. Im just trying to process this thought but every time I do, I never feel like I make progress. I just dont wanna think about it but at the same time I cant help but think about it. Its very annoying. I kinda wish I could just married and be done with all this "boy drama" I really hate it.
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