Its getting better

I think its soooo funny! I barely got 5 hours of sleep last night and I am the most awake I have ever been in the prayer room. Ive been so productive, lol. I studied, I wrote in my prayer journal andddd yeah. lol

I skyped with Nicole til 11:45 last night. It was 3 hours long. hahaha I think its funny cause she was like lets skype for a lil bit andddd it turned into 3 hours long anddd we have a coffee skype date after class today :D I've missed her so much. It sucks too cause she's having a hard time right now. I love her family anddd her family ADORES me ahhahaha It makes my heart so happy. lol She said her dad and grampa ask about me all the time and want me to come back and have Friday night dinners with them at the Basque restaurant, which I miss SOOO much lol. Omg... her lil nephews who are 3 and 5 ask about me too... How sweet is that?! They "fake" called me the other day... aww it just makes me so feel so loved. lol AND the fact that my sis in law said that my nephew looks for me too, GAH! I just wanna cry! hahaha ahhhh I miss my nephew so much!

I think that this whole time I am here at IHOP (which I hope is only a year, lol) its a time to get some training so I can go back to Reno and shake some things up for the kingdom. I think its kinda interesting but when I am here all I can think about its the people back home who I wanna impact with God's love. I think God is going to grow a passion in my heart for more things of Him and in and for Reno. I am just looking forward more to the work that is to come after the training period. I am excited and I have hope to keep going.

Also. I need to start running or doing something for exersize (idk if thats spelt, right butttt the option it gives me to "correct" it is oversize anddd thats not the word im looking for) lol I think I'm gaining my weight back... :-/ blahhhh lameeee! lol I miss my golds gym.

Jammin'

So last night my roommates and I had a lil jam session. It was SOOOO much fun! Literally, we just sat around and played all different instruments. I started on the keys and then played bass. Amanda and Marilyn both played the piano, guitar, and bass. Abbie was actually doin her homework so she stayed playing on her electric. I had so much fun just goofing off playing different things here and there. It was also a really great learning experience because I havent played much with a band so it really helps me to stay on tempo. Ahhhh I cant wait til this weekend so we can play again. Also!!! I think Marilyn is gunna teach me guitar! WHOOP WHOOP! I'm so pumped. The best part was that I was actually pretty good at bass, ohhh yeahhh. hahahah I was just really excited that I know how to play something else beside a piano. Im proud of myself :)

Doubt. I hate you.

So I've decided that doubt is the worst thing in the world, at least to me right now anyways. lol I dont know why I even believe in it. I have confidence in myself and who I am. I hate it that right when I start speaking that I am fine being alone and I dont need friends at this moment all my friends I have I start to think they have forgotten about me. I know they havent, I know that they just get busy. The worst part is that most of my friends that I wanna talk with live two timezones away making it nearly impossible to communicate except over text because I go to bed so early. I miss my friends in Reno. I was talking to my roommates the other day (which are my friends, so i dont even know why i am like "I dont have any friends" cause its a lie in the first place) about how i love Reno soooo much because I dont have any bad memories there or any hurt. It was the safest, most freeing, and most fun time of my life. Of course I would wanna go back home, why not? I made memories of a lifetime there. With me missing Reno, I also keep thinking that I made a mistake by coming here. But at one point God did tell me yes or more or less no. I will see good and fruit come from this. I just cant see it right now. God is going to bless this time.

I'll give it a chance

Im still struggling with this whole ihop decision but I am trying to make the best of it. Im not saying I am gunna be happy go lucky all the time but I will actually make an effort to see the silver lining.

This is just what I wrote during worship last night, as you can tell I'm still learning how to deal and feel about everything here...

"The night isn't just when the sun isn't shining. The night is when you can't see the light ahead of you. When you think you've lost your way cause you can't see anything. When you feel like you've made a mistake.
 
God did make a way for me. He worked everything out. There were no deliberate stop signs. He confirmed it others hearts as well. At one point I had to decide whether or not this was something I wanted to do. I just need faith to trust and believe what he spoke to me months ago is still truth. This is for a short time. This too will pass. It's only the beginning and it will get better. God will see me through it just like anything else.
 
I should cherish the fact that I do get the opportunity to be in his presence so easily. Not that God isn't around all the time but it's a time where I don't have a ton of distractions.
 
Yes I realize that some people here are "brainwashed" to the fact that you shouldn't be of the world. I should congratulate them that they can make that decision and stick with it and impact the impact of heaven that way. But then I praise God that he gave me a heart to be in the world and make an impact for His glory and honor in the worldly settings. I am blessed that I can bring His love into the world."

The words of a song

"I believe you move at the sound of voice. You heard my cry and answered me. I love the lord for he heard my cry and he delivered me from my fears. You lifted me up higher and higher"- Song from Jay Thomas

I cant get enough!!

I LOVE music sooooo much! I could literally listen to it non stop for the rest of my life. I just think its so beautiful. It has a way of filling the room and changes things. I love how it doesn’t matter whats goin on but if begin to listen to music it will change things. Music is so amazing! I am so amazed by it I could just listen to music without lyrics. It has so much creativity.  

When I play I feel like I can accomplish anything in the world. Just cause I can play a few notes here and there on the piano. It's so weird how much satisfaction I get out of playing, whether its just the simplest song or the hardest song and took months to learn. 

Basically, I am just fascinated with music. lol

Prayer room ramblings

I still rustle with this whole thing of IHOP. I know that this is where im supposed to be but it still doesn’t make it any easier of doin it. My heart truly is in Reno. I just miss my friends and what God was doin in Reno. I don’t know what life here is goin to look like and I don’t want to have this huge major change in my life to the point of where I touch with the things that really go on in life. I know some may be called to a more radical lifestyle than mine. I think that if you are going to be part of the world and minister to the ones around you in the US you should be able to relate with them and talk to them about things that everyone would understand. I could be completely wrong but this is what I believe.

I dont get it sometimes. You would think it would make sense and I would get it logically but I don’t.