So to catch you up, I’ve had 3 dreams since I’ve been home about Pete and me. Him saying that he’s sorry and that he isn’t happy with his gf and then we get back together. It’s really thrown me off because I haven’t thought about him at all since I’ve written the letter, at least not Reno. It always seems to hit me hard when I come home. My heart wants to just forgive him and allow God to deal with him while my flesh wants him to hurt and feel the same pain I had. So while trying to figure out why I’m dreaming about him and crap I talked to my sister about it.
She has been reading this book called “Captivated” and she shared something that really makes since and has given me some perspective and insight on my problem. She said that I should forgive him but by forgiving him that would mean I would be allowing God to fight for me on my behalf and through that God would heal my heart. When she first said it I didn’t really understand but on my LONG car ride up to Onething, it really makes sense.
I also think that I’m ready for God to heal my heart and be my fighter, even as much as I love being a fighter for Christ, I think this time imma sit out. I see this as a great opportunity to trust God, believe Him that he can do anything and a chance to grow my faith overall. I don’t want to keep dealing with this. I do want God to heal my heart and I don’t want to hate him. I want to love him as the brother in Christ that he is.
Last thought: the Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto to you.
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