Bad day blog

Just be for warned. I am about to unload a ton of stuff and I cant promise its gunna be pretty. So continue at your own risk.


So the bad day was actually yesterday. It really kinda started two days ago but yesterday as a whole was just bad. So I've been thinking about writing a song or two just about my life (more just write it out in kinda poem-ish form) Well yesterday during prayer room time I began to have to tell myself how pretty God has made me and believe all the truths that just last week had me ecstatic. I hated that I was once again dealing with all the lies from the devil saying I wasn't worth it for any guy and that I would never get a great guy so I had to settle. We didn't have that long in the prayer room yesterday and of course of all days I needed to be there the longest and it was the shortest time we've ever had.

During class Allen Hood was talking about the intimacy of Jesus. I loved it and was really enjoying it and then all the sudden all I could think about was writing down some song lyrics. So I began to write and the whole time I was remembering all the hurt and pain from all the guys in the past and how all I really wanted was justice. I wanted them to say they were sorry. I wanted them to realize they hurt me. Then I was reminded of the verse Luke 18:3 "Grant me victory over my adversary" So I was like okay God. I need victory over this area of my life. Not that they actually have to say their sorry but I need you to give me the victory in my heart. I need this issue gone and I need your help to do that.

Sooooooo like the lovely IDIOT that I am texted one of past guys. I was talking to him and I was trying so hard not to act like I had a chip on my shoulder but I couldn't help it. But gotta love stupid boys, he didnt even realize it. Anyways, so I asked him about a girl I knew he was "talking" too and he came up with this bullshit sarcastic fucking story. Obviously, I grew furious, then pissed at myself then I started to cry. I knew I shouldn't have butttttt I couldn't help it. I just hadddd to talk to him.

My amazing roommates, who I spilled everything too, began to encourage me and just lift me up. They helped me get back up and realize how much of a jerk he was and how I get to look forward to the most amazing guy in the whole wide world because God is going to give His daughter the best.

After sleeping on it, I think texting him wasn't the worst thing, I've ever done. (Me trying to see the silver lining in everything) God showed me that I need His help and I need to listen to His voice very carefully. If I don't I'm gunna get hurt. God will bring restoration. I believe that I will have freedom in this area of my life and I am not gunna be ruled by this anymore. I will have VICTORY.


Ps. The blog wasn't as bad as I thought it would be hahaha