Wow.

First of all I would like to point out the fact that Jesus is coming back soon. I know this because I never read and even when I need to read for school I barely read enough to get by and its just really hard for me to read. I hate it and it's always been difficult for me. Well, in the past 2 months I have read 2 books for school and finished a book I started last year in one day, which was about 100 pages, andddd I just started my second book for fun. Not to mention I have another book for school I need to start soon as well. Sooooo I've been reading alot so therefor I know Jesus is coming back because I never read. lol AND I am enjoying reading! WHAT?! Yeahhhh it's weird and crazy....lol

So I've been reading Captivating, the book I've been meaning to read for about a year now but never started. I wanna punch myself in the face for not reading the book sooner. It's so intriguing. I love reading every part of it. I get so excited because every time I read something about how woman think or view themselves about things, I am saying "YEAH! Thats me!" Sadly they are not particularly high points when I point those out but the fact is that I am learning why I think that way and how to change the view I have of myself to the view God has of me. It's probably THE best book I've ever read, lol besides the bible obviously. I am like damn. Why didn't I read this when I was in high school? It would have helped butttt then I think back on how I viewed things in life in high school and the words on the page probably wouldn't have done a thing. It breaks my heart to hear about all the different stories in the book. I am becoming more and more thankful of the life I had. Not that I had the best but I wasn't sexually or physically abused that left me scarred from the touch of a man.

My heart's desire is that I would be able to relay the message to high school girls. I know that they may not do anything different but if they hear it and make it real in their life when they get older or into something they will know the Fathers love for them. I just pray that one day I would have the influence on a girl in high school that way she has one, someone to talk to and two that she can be encouraged. I had that for my first year of high school and i was strong and made it through but the rest of them I never could connect with anyone and had no support. I think I would have made some different choices if I had someone walking with me through the different times in high school.

And here I am again thankful I am in a place that I can pray every day for people in a different state 800 miles away. I can pray for them before they wake up, I can pray that God is with them through out their day and I know in my heart that God hears my prayers and is answering them for me. I am preparing a way for them that the road will be easier. I am glad that in this time in my life I get to pray for them and they don't even know it. I know I am not there and I miss them all so much but I am still working for them on their behalf. I am fighting for them in prayer.

I guess I can finally say that I don't hate it as much as I thought. It's funny cause one of my leaders today said that if you don't give up, you win. You just have to keep goin, doesn't mean you have to be running everyday, you just have to keep walking and don't stop. I am not stopping. Its not fun nor easy but I am still walking and will continue walking.